4 Ways To Spot a Man Who's Right For You
I've coached women on dating since 2013, and I've worked with hundreds of thousands of them. Almost every one of them told me the same thing.
"I'm good at spotting the wrong men. I just can't seem to find the right one."
Here's what I've learned…
The right man is easy to miss. He doesn't put on a show. He doesn't sweep you off your feet in the first ten minutes. So he gets passed over for the man who does, and that man is usually the one who breaks your heart six weeks later.
There are 4 ways to spot the man who's right for you, and none of them are the things most women look for. Let's go through them.
He's the Same Man on Week Six as He Was on Date One
The wrong man is brilliant at the beginning. The texts, the attention, the way he looks at you like you're the only woman in the room.
Then somewhere around week six, he changes. He gets busy. His texts slow down. The man you met seems to have been replaced by someone who's not sure what he wants.
Nothing about him changed. What you were seeing was a performance, and performances end.
The right man is different. He may start quieter, and he'll still be showing up the same way two months later. Same effort, same warmth, same interest. He didn't have to work at it, since it was never an act.
So when a man feels a little less exciting on date one but keeps being exactly who he said he was, pay attention. That steadiness is worth more than any spark.
One of my clients, Disa, put it this way after six months with a man she almost passed on: "There was no butterflies at first but I gave him time, and the love grew stronger and stronger on every date." He's now teaching her to sail his boat and they're talking about marriage.
If you want to know what he's like on week six by the end of the first conversation, there's a way to do that. I'll show you below.
His Actions Match His Words Without You Having to Keep Score
The wrong man tells you a lot. He says he's never felt like this before. He says he's looking for something real. He says he'll call you Thursday.
Then you find yourself doing math. He said he'd call, and he didn't, but he did text on Friday, so maybe that counts?
If you're keeping score, that's the sign.
With the right man, there's nothing to count. He says he'll call, and the phone rings. He says he wants to see you again, and he plans it. You never wonder where you stand, since he shows you every week.
I once worked with a woman who dated a man for eight months on the strength of what he said. He said "someday" so many times she started to hear it as a plan. Someday never came, and she'd spent eight months waiting on a word.
Write this down: a man's words tell you what he wants you to believe. His actions tell you what's true. When the two line up on their own, you've found something real.
He Can Describe a Life, Not Just a Feeling
Ask a man what he's looking for, and listen closely to the shape of his answer.
The wrong man gives you a feeling. "A real connection." "Someone who gets me." "Something that just clicks." It sounds lovely. It also means nothing, and it's the same thing he said to the woman before you.
The right man can describe an actual life. Weekend mornings. Who he wants beside him at his sister's wedding. Whether he wants kids, and what he pictures that looking like.
A man who can picture a life has thought about building one. A man who can only name a feeling is chasing one, and feelings run out.
This is one of those things that hides in plain sight. He'll answer the question happily over dinner. He won't notice that his answer just told you everything.
He Shows Up in His Own Story
Every man has a past. The right man owns his part of it.
Ask him what happened with his last relationship. The wrong man gives you a list of everything she did wrong. She was crazy. She was needy. She didn't understand him. He's nowhere in the story except as the victim.
The right man tells you something like, "We wanted different things, and I probably should have said so sooner." He's in there. He takes a share of it.
Why does this matter so much? Because how he talks about the last woman is how he'll talk about you in a year. If she was crazy, you'll be crazy. If he could see his own part, he'll see it with you too, and that's the man you can actually build something with.
The same goes for the people who stayed. A man with a friend he's kept for fifteen years knows how to keep someone. That tells you more about your future with him than any first-date chemistry ever will.
Why the Wrong Man Always Looks Better on Date One
Here's the part nobody tells you.
A player's entire skill set is the first six weeks. That's the only part he's ever practiced. The charm, the intensity, the feeling that this one is different. He's done it a dozen times, and he's very good at it.
The available man hasn't rehearsed any of that. He makes a quieter first impression, since he's just being himself.
So when you choose based on how date one feels, you're unknowingly choosing the man with the most practice. That's why it keeps ending the same way with a different name.
The women I've seen break the pattern didn't get luckier. They did one thing differently. They filtered before they fell.
They asked a few ordinary questions early, before the chemistry got loud, and they knew exactly what to listen for in the answers. Nothing that felt like an interview. He answered without noticing anything was happening.
Emily B.
If you'd like to see the questions Emily learned and exactly what to listen for, I've put it all together for you.
If you're tired of meeting the same wrong man with a different name, I'd like to show you how to see who he really is by the end of the first conversation, before you've given him your heart.
I've laid out the full method for you. In it, I show you the three questions that expose a time-waster in the first five minutes, what to listen for in each answer, and the quiet green flags that tell you a man is actually going to follow through.
When you're ready, you can see it here.
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