His words are the easiest thing in the world to fake. These are the tells that don't lie.
A good poker player barely listens to what's said at the table.
He watches the hands. The man who goes suddenly still after shoving in a big bet. The one whose eyes flick down to his chips the instant he catches a good card. The shaky hand that's trying way too hard to look calm.
The mouth bluffs. The body tells the truth, and the pros learned long ago to read the body and ignore the mouth.
Men do the exact same thing in dating, and almost no woman is taught to read it.
Why his words are the worst place to look
A man can say all the right things and mean almost none of them. "I had such a great time." "I've never met anyone like you."
None of it costs him a thing to say. Words are the cheapest currency there is, and the men who waste your time are often the smoothest talkers of all.
So you do what the poker pro does. You stop grading him on the talk and start reading the tells, the things that slip out without him deciding to show them.
Tell #1: his body gives him away
At the table, the body leaks what the mouth is hiding. On a date, it works the same way.
Watch where his feet and shoulders point. A man who's drawn to you angles his whole body toward you without thinking about it. A man who's halfway out the door points himself, quietly, at the door.
Watch his eyes, too. Real interest holds your gaze a beat longer and keeps coming back to your face. And watch his phone. A man who's into you forgets it exists. A man who's killing time keeps one eye on it the whole night.
He can script his words. He can't script which way his body leans.
Tell #2: what he remembers without trying
A man who's genuinely into you files away the small things. Your sister's name. The meeting you were nervous about. The drink you ordered last time.
He didn't study for it. His attention was simply on you, and memory is just attention with a delay.
A man who's passing time forgets, because he was only half-listening, already a little checked out. What he remembers tells you where his mind actually was.
Tell #3: how he treats people who can't do anything for him
Anyone can be charming to the woman he's trying to win. The real tell is how he treats the people who can't help him at all.
The waiter who got the order wrong. The barista. His own mother on the phone. The ex he's describing to you.
Warmth and plain respect there is a green flag worth more than a hundred compliments aimed at you. Contempt, cruelty, or a sneer the second someone can't do a thing for him is the truest preview you'll get of how he'll treat you once the chase is over.
The mask always slips on the people who don't matter to his goal. Watch it slip.
Tell #4: whether he folds you into his life
A man who's serious about you starts, without being asked, to weave you into the rest of his world.
He introduces you to his friends. He mentions you to his family. He talks about something a few months out like you'll obviously be there for it.
A man who's keeping you on the side does the reverse. He keeps you in a separate little box, vague about his people, his weekends, his plans. You only ever see him one-on-one, never woven into anything real.
It rarely takes a confrontation to read this. Just notice whether his life seems to be opening up to include you, or quietly holding you at the edge of it.
Now make this about you
Think about the man on your mind right now. For one week, take your eyes off what he says and read these three instead.
Which way does his body point? What does he remember without trying? How does he treat the people who can't do a single thing for him?
That will tell you more than a month of rereading his texts, and it'll tell you early, while walking away still costs you nothing.
There's also a way to set the tone from the very first dates, so a man's tells come out faster, and a quality man leans in while a time-waster shows his hand and folds.
There's a way to draw a man's real intentions into the open early, so a commitment-ready man steps up and a time-waster reveals himself before he can cost you months.
You can't control the cards a man is holding. You can absolutely learn to read his tells, and stop handing your months to someone who was always going to fold.
Watch the hands, not the mouth. It's how the pros win, and it's how you stop guessing.
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. The loudest tell of all is the way he talks about the women who came before you. Listen closely the first time an ex comes up. You'll learn more in two minutes than in a month of sweet texts. Here's how to read the rest.