You started calling anxiety passion. Here's what love is actually supposed to feel like.
Somewhere along the way, you started calling anxiety "passion."
The highs and the lows. The not knowing where you stand. The flood of relief when he finally texts back, so strong it almost feels like love.
You got so used to the rollercoaster that a calm, steady man started to feel boring.
I want to gently push on that.
The quiet is what safe feels like
When a good man finally shows up, a lot of women feel let down. "There's no chemistry. It's too easy. I don't feel that spark."
Sit with that for a second.
Your shoulders drop around him. You say the true thing without rehearsing it in your head first. You stop reading into every word, because you don't have to.
That quiet is what safe feels like after a long time of being unsafe. The calm is the spark. You just spent so long on the rollercoaster that steady ground feels strange under your feet.
Confusion was never proof of depth
Here's the lie the anxious ones train you to believe. That the ache, the guessing, the longing, all of it means the love is deep.
It doesn't. Confusion just means you don't have enough information, and he likes it that way.
A man who truly wants you makes where you stand obvious. The hot and cold, the slow replies, the "I'm just not good at texting," that keeps you off balance. And a woman off balance keeps chasing. That was never depth. It was a hook.
Boring on a Tuesday is the whole prize
Real love is steady enough to be a little boring on an ordinary Tuesday.
His hand on your back while you cook. A small joke only the two of you understand. A text that says what it means and means what it says.
That boring is the most underrated feeling in the world. It's the exact thing the rollercoaster was never, ever going to give you.
You're allowed to want peace. You're allowed to choose the man who feels like exhaling after holding your breath for years.
A good man brings you peace, not confusion. And once you've truly felt the difference, you can't unfeel it.
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. If a friend keeps walking past the calm, kind ones for the men who keep her guessing, send this to her. She might be one letter away from seeing it.